It's holiday. 

I feel that I've plumped up after the stretching exam period so I've decided to join the sisters to go jogging tml morning Y^_^ and I shall persevere on in getting rid of all the fats (hopefully..)

I've been watching a HK drama series - Heart of Greed. Interesting story line. Intriguing. You do not know what happen next if u do not continue watching. And it gets me hooked up :)

Toastmasters Club AGM is this coming thursday. Asked myself if I should go for any post. It does not need much evaluation to conclude in my heart that I think... I have not done much ever since I got the post of being a VPPR. Not regret, rather guilt haunts me. I doubt if I could contribute to the club. I am stressed up whenever the president ask me to get something done. I do not know many things and I'm unfamiliar with most.. I know I should humble myself to learn. Perhaps the president, or should I say the rest of the exco, have such a high expectation on me. Or maybe, maybe my over-boost self-confidence brings such consequence. I do not know. I feel like escaping - as in just give in and opt to stay as a normal member. Would that hurt my resume? Probably. 

I'm spending mummy's money each day I stay here in Singapore after the exam. Sometimes I feel it's such a silly decision to go back for just 1 month during this 3 months holiday. In fact, I struggled before making up my mind on this. Probably I'm just bored. When NUS students finish their exam and the programming team comes alive again, I shall be busy with planning, meetups and stuff. I believe God sees my intention in staying and that I truly want to experience how serving in tertiary is like, how serving out of inconvenience is like. And I truly believe God will honor this heart.

I need a job. A part time job. An ad hoc job. Project-based and I, honestly, do not mind the pay. It's better off than wasting time sitting in room watching drama. I'm too lazy to edit my resume and send in. My bad. Laziness gets a foothold on me again. 

I'm worried about my specialization next academic year. My intention in coming to NTU, Singapore is to take actuarial science. What if.. what if.. I do not get in? Anxiety overwhelms when I come to think of it. Jer29:11 - God has a plan for me! It comforts me. I need to use the sword of the spirit in tackling the negative emotions arise from doubting God, His promises and His ability!

Went to sing K with OB group with the absence of Jake. Love ya lots Elson, Kae Yun and Wan Lin. It was really a great time venting out all our eagerness in wanting to show off our singing talent. Laughter which can never be replayed. It is kept in my memory, my heart. I breathed a prayer of thanksgiving for u all :)

You know what guys, I really love my blog. hmm.. let me paraphrase - I really love blogging. Because I can just blurt out everything that suffocates me here and now. Alrighty, since I'm so free.. I'll blog more recently k! :) But hopefully I will not be so free for long. I wish to get a job! Reallyyyy...

Lastly, wish to continue to stay faithful in seeking God throughout this holiday. Do not want to miss God out totally from this whole holiday plan and semester break. Quiet time which should not be missed out each day, conversation with God which should comes from within every moment. Lord, I WANT YOU TO BE WITH ME IN THIS HOLIDAY! 

Oh ya, listened to the song 5 loaves and 2 fishes by Corinne May last night. It was really a ministering song. It talks about God made use of the 5 loaves and 2 fishes in working miracles, He can definitely use our desire, ambition, strength, weakness and fears in working out something great according to His plan. My heart was touched. I thanked God for who He is. 

Psalm 8:3-4

When I consider your heavens,

the work of you fingers, the moon and the stars,

which you have set in place,

what is man that you are mindful of him, 

the son of man that you care for him?

God, who am I that I am worthy of all this? It is all by Your grace :)

A pure heart

A pure heart, that's what I long for 

A heart that follows hard after Thee

A pure heart, that's what I long for 

A heart that follows hard after Thee

A heart that hides Your word 

So that sin will not come in

A heart that's undivided

But one You rule and reign

A heart that beats compassion

that pleases You my Lord

Sweet aroma of worship 

that rises to Your throne

Angels in my life!

I know exam is near and I'm suppose to seize every minute reading and revising but u know what? Blogging is also part of my life... :)

Just had 2 presentations continuously and today, this very day, marks the end of my VERY FIRST academic year in NTU, Singapore.. (still got exam larhhHH)

I do not know how to describe my feeling which jumbles up. Just talked to wanlin when we were having lunch that my heart is really heavy because it's the end of the semester and during the beginning of academic year after the holiday, all my classmates are going for different specialization, choosing what they want to pursue in lives respectively. 

No more laughter in class telling stupid jokes, teasing one another..

No more working together cracking heads to come out with ideas to differentiate our presentations and gain a little more points. 

No more bringing junk food to class to stuff in mouth to avoid falling asleep while listening to the somehow doesn't-interest-us-much lecture. 

Throughout the entire year in NTU, I've never felt friends are as important to me as now.. when we've come to a divergence and finally.. have to move on to separate paths.. My heart is really heavy.. 

Dedication to friends who are dear to me,

Yiting, u're such an adorable girl. One with passion in going into marketing specialization, never perform below average in marketing presentations. You're such a sincere and sweet girl who captivates people's hearts from what u have within. 

Elson, u're such a funny guy. One who always hope people will perceive him as happy-go-lucky but I know that he's not most of the time. Thanks for your willingness in opening up and cherishing us as your trust-worthy friends. Really really appreciate u a lot. 

Kae Yun, u're such a sincere girl. A friend who never hesitate in telling me the truth and correct me when I'm wrong. Your sincerity has really touched my heart a lot and working with u and the rest as a team is really one of the best memories I have in my first year in uni. 

Shijing, I might not know u very well but I think u're a very sweet girl.. far from the first impression I had on u as someone who is hard to approach and unfriendly. You're outspoken and sensitive at the same time, makes people feel comfortable being around with u.

Jiahui, a girl who always have her smile on.. really hope i have more time spend with you.

Jasmine and Minghui, best friends who always stick together. Thanks for your patience while working with me in a team. You guys are few of the cutest person I've ever met!

Jake, a gentleman. Always busy. Opinionated and can be fun at times. Appreciate u lots.

Zhong Hua, IT expert. Smart and knowledgeable. Double degree student who never get out of business. Working with u was great and u've improved tremendously in your speaking skill compare to the one u did for the very first time. Really glad for your improvement! 

Liu Can, ahhh maths expert! Helped me a lot on my statistic and one whom I will never forget.. teasing me by requesting me to ask more challenging stats questions.. Wana express my gratitude from the bottom of my heart - THANK YOU! You're indeed a great friend! 

I still have a lot of friends whom I want to thank.. Ermin, Lawrence, Silvy, Samantha, Yu Fei (my roomie!), Yen Ling (Kae Yun's best friend), Van, Jessica......................................

LOVE YOU GUYS LOTS!

Waitt..

How can I end this without mentioning this friend who have made such a great impact in my life in uni??

WANLIN!!!

U're really God-sent! U encouraged me when I'm discourage. U motivated me when I am demotivated. U brightened up my day when I'm upset. U point me to God when I lose hope. U listened to me when I need someone to grumble to. U were there with me when I am stressed. 

How can I ever express my gratitude? How can I ever say how much I really appreciate u! I thanked God endless time for u, dear!

ok, I have to take a leave to dry my tears.. 

The Riot

The other side of the "truth"

Sincere hypocrites

Exam is drawing and time is running short. 

I am doing this BY FAITH!

To flung this exam is the last thing I would want to do on earth. It determines my future pathway. uh huh, sounds serious? Absolutely.

Last night, my friend threw us a question by putting us in a situation which a train is coming to a divergence and my brother is on the railway on the right and 5 kids are playing innocently on the left. 

Which way will u alter the train's direction to? Sacrificing your brother to save the 5 kids? Or sacrificing the 5 kids for your kin? The brother who carries your gene OR the kids in the number of FIVE!

Regardless of your decision, let me tell you what I think..

Read from OB textbook about this interesting fact that ran through my mind when my friend posted this question. It's exactly what I wanted to convey but at that point of time, I thought it was too abstract for me to put the thought into words...

Here's what I read...

Before discussing workplace values in more details, we need to distinguish between espoused values and enacted values. 

Espoused values represent the values that we say we use and, in many cases, think we use. Corporate leaders might say they value environmentalism, creativity, and politeness, whether or not they really do value these things in practice. Values are socially desirable, so people create a positive public image by claiming to believe in values that others expect them to embrace...

Enacted values, on the other hand, represent the values we actually rely on to guide our decisions and actions. These values-in-use are apparent by watching people in action. Just as we judge an individual's personality by behavioral tendencies, so too do we judge enacted values by behavioral tendencies. 

We often fall into this trap of "claiming to believe in values that others expect us to embrace" simply BECAUSE they are "socially desirable" 

Save my brother or the 5 kids? 

*At once, without hesitation* 

OF COURSE THE 5 KIDS LAH! F.I.V.E K.I.D.S eh! My brother only ONE mahhh.. 

Eh, u will sacrifice the 5 kids mehhhhhhh???????????

Wahhh.. so noble! 

You sureeeee??

The fact is, none of us is certain.. 

okok, u might be right if u try to debut on my previous line. 

The truth is... I AM NOT SURE! 

so I do not see the point of answering this question. Period.