Being the choleric me, it often takes God himself to remind me to slow down...


I am blessed by the leaders' retreat that I had over the last weekend. God spoke to me through the personal time I had with Him and through the leaders, and the spoken words are consistent.

It has not been an easy time for me. The more I see the "depressing" situation, as I define, the more I feel I need to do something about it. More often than not, at such times when my choleric mode is activated, I shut God out because I thought He just takes too long to respond. Then I realized, that I failed to exercise my faith.

Exo 33:12-19
Moses said to the LORD, "You have been telling me,'Lead these people,' but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. You have said, 'I know you by name and you have found favor with me.' If you have pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you. Remember that this nation is your people."

The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

Then Moses said to him, "If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here. How will anyone know that you are pleased with me and with your people unless you go with us? What else will distinguish me and your people from all the other people on the face of the earth?"

And the LORD said to Moses, "I will do the very thing you have asked, because I am pleased with you and I know you by name."

Then Moses said, "Now show me your glory."

And the LORD said, "I will cause all my goodness to pass in front of you, and I will proclaim my name, the LORD, in your presence. I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion...

When I start to wonder what God says, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."

A leader spoke to me about Heb 4:8-12 from the vision she had from God for me.

Heb 4:8-12
For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not have spoken later about another day. There remains, then, a Sabbath-rest for the people of God; for anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work, just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall by following their example of disobedience.

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

As the leaders prayed for me, I saw a vision of a heart, cut into half, laid bare under the light of the bright sun.

Heb 4:13
Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.

I believe it was divine. As it is written in Psalms 51, render my heart and not my garment.

I am not saved by works, but by grace.

Psalm 51:16-17 (The message)
Going through the motions doesn't please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don't for a moment escape God's notice.

Lord, thanks for the reminder.